


Not Another Motorbike

by justahufflepuff



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M, Married Life, Suburban AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-27
Updated: 2015-03-27
Packaged: 2018-03-19 20:35:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 839
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3623385
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justahufflepuff/pseuds/justahufflepuff
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sirius comes home with a surprise. Or three.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not Another Motorbike

"Moony," Sirius didn't even give Remus time to say hello as he answered the phone. "Moony, I've got a surprise."  
  
"Good afternoon to you, too, Padfoot." Remus said wryly, shifting the phone to his ear so he could continue grading papers as he talked.

"Oh, yeah, that too." Sirius said.

Remus snorted gently as he crossed out an incorrect sentence. 

"I'm thinking of bringing home some booze with dinner, y'want wine or beer?"

Humming, Remus pushed back his chair. "Beer, the usual type. Is that your surprise, because you bring home booze all the time."

Sirius scoffed and over the phone it sounded like static. "Please, my surprises are much better than that." 

"And I suppose you're not going to give me any hints."

There was a strange shuffling noise on the other end of the line, followed by snorting and a loud thump.

"Don't check my bank statements." Sirius said.

That didn't bode well. Last time he'd said that, Sirius had come home on a motorbike. With a sidecar. (Something Remus assured Sirius he would never need because getting Remus on that fucking bike would be a miracle in the first place.)  

"That's very promising, love. Buy another motorbike did you?" he asked, putting down his pen at last. Their garage barely fit Remus's tiny beat up Honda and the first motorbike. He wasn't entirely sure how they'd manage to fit another. 

Sirius snorted. At least, Remus was pretty sure it was Sirius. There was an awful lot of weird noises in the background. Maybe James had given them a deer as a gag gift. It wouldn't really be that surprising. 

"Baby is more than enough vehicle for me. No, you'll like it way more than you like Baby."

"I wish you'd stop calling it that."

"Aw, don't get jealous, Pumpkin Spice."

"Did you just- you know what, no, I'm not questioning it. Come home, I want my beers." Remus laughed, eyes crinkling at the edges.

"Only because you asked, oh most superior of latte flavors." Sirius said. "Love you, get excited for your surprise!" 

And then he hung up.

Sirius had a habit of doing that; saying 'I love you' and then bolting before Remus could say it back. Honestly Remus had half-expected Sirius to talk over his 'I love you' during their vows. Instead, Sirius had just gotten quiet and teary-eyed, and then punched James manfully in the shoulder for making fun of him for it later. It was all in all one of Remus's favorite memories of their wedding. 

Well, there was nothing to it but to wait Sirius's surprise out. Remus gathered his papers and moved to the chair by the window. Might as well get work done while he still could.

Twenty minutes and two agonizing freshman papers later, Sirius burst through the door, holding one large blanket covered crate and four Petco bags.

Remus narrowed his eyes.

"Moonifer, Moony my lad, love of my life, light of my soul-" 

The crate made a suspicious snuffling noise, and then barked.

"Sirius." 

"Remus."

The crate barked again. Two different barks. At the same time.

"Sirius, you did not."

Grinning, Sirius placed the crate on the ground and opened it. Three little pugs tumbled out. "Meet Beyoncé."

Remus stared.

"Best surprise ever, right? Right. Peter nearly wet himself. It's okay to be excited."

"There are three of them."  
  
"Well, I was just going to get one, but the other two looked so lonely, y'know? So I figured, triplets, what the hell, James has children crawling out of his ears, we have to keep up somehow." 

"Yeah, this'll show him." Remus said, dry, as one of the pugs sat on his foot.

There was a pause as Sirius picked up the smallest pug and cuddled it close to his chest. 

Oh no, Sirius had gotten attached. They'd have to keep them now. No way Remus would ever convince him to take back Beyoncé and... whatever the other two were named. 

"What are the other two then?" Remus asked, picking up the tan pug on his foot. It licked his hand and wriggled.

"Beyoncé, I told you." Sirius said as he sat down on the arm of Remus's chair.

"Sirius, they can't _all_ be Beyoncé."  
  
"Sure they can! Look, I've got it all worked out. This one," he shifted the pug in his arms, "is Black Beyoncé, the one you've got is Tan Beyoncé, and then the one over there," he nodded towards the pug sniffing around their kitchen, "is Less Tan Beyoncé." 

Remus wasn't 100% sure that wasn't somehow offensive.

Besides him, Sirius fidgeted. Black Beyoncé yawned.

"You're in charge of morning walks." He said after a long moment of silence, moving Tan Beyoncé onto the couch. 

Sirius beamed. "See, best surprise ever!" 

"I hope you think that while you're house training your worldwide music sensations."

Less Tan Beyoncé peed on the carpet. Sirius looked slightly less ecstatic.

"Also," Remus said as he stood up to grab some paper towels. "You're sleeping on the couch tonight."

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, this is definitely inspired by that tumblr AU graphic where everything is the same except Sirius's Animagus form is a pug.  
> I regret nothing.  
> Come say hi on [tumblr](http://enjoltush.tumblr.com)!


End file.
